According to O'Brien's definition of a coward i have been a coward at times in my life. There are plenty of times that I have believed in something and decided to hold my tongue in order not to feel embarrassed or ashamed or merely to keep the peace in a situation. There are times that I feel like I should have expressed myself spoke my mind to get my true point across but couldn't bare with the consequences that could have gone along with it. I couldn't take the embarrassment if my point was wrong or if other parties disagreed with me.

Yes, there have been many times throughout my life that I have, by O'Brien's definition, been a coward. As much as I'd like to pride myself in being a "strong" person, I have definitely faltered and made mistakes because I didn't listen to myself or my intuition. Looking back, this was particularly evident when I was in 8th grade. Of course, finding identity at that age is hard for everyone, but I completely lost myself. I wanted so badly to fit in, whatever that meant I don't know, so I befriended a group of girls that I probably shouldn't have. Although I went to a small Hippie school, they were the mean girls, the queen bees, the popular ones. I liked having the recognition, but what I began to realize that I was being recognized for the wrong things. I was downright nasty to people, breaking them apart just so I could feel better about myself. I started to hate myself for being so cruel, but it got to a point that being mean is what made me feel better about myself, at least temporarily, because I felt like I was in control. And the girls that I was friends with encouraged this behavior, so although I hated it, it was what made me popular. 

That was the most cowardly thing I have ever done and I wish that I could take that back because that's not me, that's never been me, and let's hope I never lose myself enough to sink back to that level ever again.

I have been a coward my whole life, by O'Brien's definition. I have always felt anger towards particular people and have, at many points in my life, wished physical harm towards them. More times than less, I have wanted to do the hurting myself. However, I was raised by a relatively peaceful family in a generally peaceful comminity. I have had kind friends my hole life, and have established a certain way that people view me. Hitting or kicking or lashing out in any way toward the people I hate would only degrade me and bring shame to my family. My community would shift their view of me, and my reputation would be scarred. Therefore I have never lashed out in a way I couldn't recover from. I have never physically attacked anybody, however much I may want to. I consider this to be cowardice and brave. I run away from my true emotions, but controlling them makes me proud.

Question: Have you ever been a coward?

Have you ever fit into O'Brien's definition of cowardice? Recently? A long long time ago in a galaxy far away? Tell me about it. Be sure to include the aspects of narrative that make stories interesting (development, suspense, back-story, characterization, a moral?)